#metoo

We were both drunk at a friend’s house. I had never met him before that night. I crashed in their basement rather than drive drunk. He ended up staying too. I was just trying to go to sleep when he started making moves on me. He was a really big guy – like a football player. I tried to politely tell him I wasn’t interested and that i just wanted to go to sleep. It was like he never heard me. He kept groping and kissing and forcing me down. I didn’t want to wake up my friends upstairs. I didn’t want him to get angry and hurt me. He could have really hurt me. I figured it would happen regardless, so better to not resist and let him get it over with and go away. It happened and he passed out. I cried myself to sleep for being so stupid and drunk and dumb. I never said anything because it was “my fault” and it wasn’t really “rape”. Right? Wrong.

I don’t remember the date i was assaulted. I don’t remember what I was wearing. I don’t remember how many drinks I had. I remember I said no and I remember it didn’t matter.